A Tale of Two Vampires by Katie MacAlister – a Review

A TALE OF TWO VAMPIRES is the latest installment to Katie MacAlister’s Dark Ones series.  I can often gauge a work of literature by it’s opening sentence.  In this book it is, “Nipple tattoo, madame?”.  SAY WHAT?!?!?  This novel might not be a literary masterpiece, but it is a rollercoaster of giggles, chortles and even some guffaws.  In other words, it is a lighthearted and fun read. 
 
We open with Iolanthe, or Io for short, visiting her cousin Gretl in Austria.  She has had a very bad year, full of “bad men” and she is taking the summer off!  She immediately meets some of our main characters in the story and decides to indulge herself, by taking photographs in the “haunted forest” outside of town.  She confronts a swirly sort of light thingy in the forest and sticks her hand inside and the next thing you know, she is swallowed up in an inky abyss.  I love some of Io’s expressions, she is full of them!  “Holy bizarre-o-rama, Batman” is her first thought as she regains consciousness.  Luckily for Io, the Lord of the Manor discovers her in a clearing.  Given her state of undress, the old stablemaster with him identifies her as “a proper hoor”, or prostitute.  Poor Io!!  She has somehow gone back in time, about three hundred years in fact!  They are baffled by this strange woman and she doesn’t have a clue what is going on!  Nikola is the Lord of the Manor and he is also the father of characters Io meets in present day Austria.  Their introduction is a comedy of errors.  “Io?  Your name has no consonants”.  “Nicole?  I thought that was a girl’s name”? It takes Io SO long to figure out that she has not landed in a weird religious cult, but that she has gone back in time.  Nikola takes it more in stride, because he is a Dark One, a Moravian Vampire.  He knows that Io is someone special to him, because she is his Beloved.  The woman who can redeem his soul. 
 
Io knows that Nikola is killed by his half brothers in the past, so she wants to prevent that from happening.  Also, she misses toilet paper, underwear and hairdryers, well…basically everything!!  So, Nikola and Io return to the swirly light thingy and presto they are back in the present.  Nikola handles the change better than Io did, because he is a scientist and he is fascinated with everything.  The only problem Nikola seems to have is the zipper that *coughs* got caught on an important body part!  He has his trusty notebook in hand and he documents all of Io’s expressions and new technology that he experiences.  Io is not easy to be around, she only speaks in slang and quirky one liners!  She keeps on promising him a lesson on colloquial chat!  Nikola learns to cherish Io as much as he “cherishes the silk undergarments that made wearing tight breeches extremely comfortable”. One of the funniest scenes in the book is when they try to have shower sex!  It is one of the best written parts of the book, because it shows how awkward the experience really can be!  I love when Nikola says, “The creation of the bikini aside, I must question the sanity of your times, Io”. 
 
Nikola and Io meet his children in the present, but they are not happy to see him, because “old father” has done some horrible things.  Plus, they had stowaways that came to the future with them!  Killers might have returned with them, or as Io would say, “Holy hairy pickles, Batman, your murderous half brothers are running around the present!”  Nikola’s son and daughter, who were featured in earlier Dark One novels, must learn to forgive their father.  They all need to work together to combat the enemy.  find the stowaways, rescue a kidnapped shapeshifter and kill evil lichens.  Poor Nikola! The future starts to baffle him when he finds out that a Viking ghost wants to marry his daughter and his son is joined with a young woman who can’t touch anything without picking up the object’s memories. BTW, Io is a “time weaver”.  She just doesn’t know what she is doing! This novel is full of such “bizarro” situations!  
 
The Beloved of a Dark One must pass 7 steps to redeem the soul of her man.  Nikola is willing to stay in the future with Io, but Io knows that he needs to return to his own time.  Will Io be able to make this great sacrifice for Nikola and finish their joining?  Give up technology, toilet paper, modern day underwear?  Io returns with Nikola, but brings along her laptop, TP, pink hairdryer and a bag of silk boxers for Nikola!  The question is, will they stay in the past?,…. only Katie MacAlister knows for sure!! 
 
A Tale of Two Vampires was a fast and fun read, just don’t take anything too seriously! This novel is for entertainment purposes only!!  ENJOY!!!

 
Reviewed by Jules

Copy supplied by publisher.