Marcie Marcie Marcie

Tickle Your Fancy is one of our Themes. Since The Reading Cafe is a place we can all hang out, while we drink our coffee or sip our margaritas, the talk of everything books can lead to funny stuff when we are having fun. Since we have been enjoying this feature…It is time for another Marcie….

The Joys of Winter          

For those of you who live anywhere in the world that get snow will appreciate my winter adventures.  For pretty much 4-5 months out of the year I have to bundle up in layers of clothing to go outdoors.  By the time I’m done dressing for the chilly temps I feel like the kid in Robert Munsch’s book I Have to Go! Don’t laugh I’m being serious here folks.  No sooner am I dressed and braving the arctic air, my bladder decides it needs attention and it’s back to the drawing board  😉   

Once I’m outside the fun really begins, it’s snow playing time, that’s sarcasm for fighting with the snow.  If I’m not shoveling the white s#!% I’m using the snowblower.  Thank goodness for the invention of snowblowers or I’d never get out of my driveway all winter as we get dumped on pretty good throughout our winters.  However, as much as I’m thankful for this invention I swear my snowblower knows I hate it and it hates me right back.  Plus the thing weighs 10 times my body weight and it runs away with me down my driveway. I can no longer laugh at ppl who walk by my house with large dogs, and it looks like the dog is walking them. I’m now one of them, only I don’t have a dog, I have a snowblower that walks me.  LOL!!!!  Not only do I have the joys of playing in the snow, but I also have the joys of driving in it and cleaning snow and frost off my car.  Oh now there’s an adventure, right folks. Those of you who deal with snow know what I mean.  Slipping and sliding down the roads and getting stuck in snowbanks, having to start your car 10-15mins before you leave for work to get the ice melted off your car, etc.  Oh the joys of winter.  :-p

Let me tell you, you know it’s damn cold out when the snow doesn’t stick to my boots, my eyes water and nostrils pinch together as soon as I get outside, I’m talking take your breathe away cold.  We just had a major cold spell where our temps dropped to -35 degrees Celsius with the windchill.  Oh yes, we get wind chill cause the cold isn’t enough you know. Now those days are really fun cause you wrap yourself up so good against the cold that all you can see are people’s eyes.  It’s quite the funny site looking down the street and only seeing a pair of eyes peaking out from all those layers.  😉  Now that you know some of the joys of true winter weather, let me leave you with a joke that I love to read every winter as it perfectly describes the joys of winter.

Winter  Diary

December 8: It started to snow. The first of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down over the area. It was beautiful.

December 9: We awoke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantel. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. I did both our driveway and the sidewalk. Later the snowplow came along and covered up our sidewalk with compacted snow from the street. I shoveled again and enjoyed.

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Oh well, I’m sure we will get some more before the lovely winter is over.

December 14: It snowed 8 inches last night and the thermometer dropped to 5 degrees below zero. Shoveled the driveway and sidewalk again and the snowplow came by and did its thing again.

December 15: Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer so I can drive in the snow. I also had to go out and buy snow tires for my wife’s car.

December 16: Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway. All that was hurt was my feelings.

December 17: Still cold (below zero in the a.m.) and icy roads make for very tough driving.

December 20: Had another 14 inches of the white shit last night. More shoveling for me today. That damn snowplow came by twice.

December 22: We are assured for a white Christmas because another foot of the white shit fell today and with this freezing weather it won’t melt until August. Got all dressed up to go out and shovel (boots, jump suit, heavy jacket, scarf, ear muffs, gloves, etc) and then I had to piss.

December 24: If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his balls. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then comes down the street 100 miles per hour and throws snow all over what used to be my clean driveway.

December 25: Merry Christmas! They predict 20 more inches of the (bleep) white stuff tonight. To hell with Santa, he doesn’t have to shovel the white shit. The snowplow driver came by asking for a donation. I hit him over the head with my snow shovel.

December 26: We got the 20 inches they predicted and then some. I must be going snowblind or have a severe case of cabin fever because my wife is starting to look good to me again.

December 27: The toilet froze. If you go outside, don’t eat the yellow snow.

December 28: I set fire to the house. Now that white shit won’t cling to the roof. We are taking the insurance money and moving to Florida.

Marcie