The Secret Life of a Submissive by Sarah K – a Review
I’ll be honest, at the mere hint of a BDSM book, I cringed; there’s NO way it’s even going to compare to 50 Shades of Grey! But when I put conventions (bias, if I’m being honest) aside, I quickly realized that just because a book involves a Dom/Sub theme, it does not mean it won’t “compare”; just because you can doesn’t mean you should. I learned my lesson. The Secret Life of a Submissive by Sarah K was a venture into a new experience, a new lifestyle that satisfied and intensified our heroine, Sarah’s, inner desires.
I appreciated Sarah’s honesty about BDSM. Maybe she didn’t “label” it, the fantasy, as such (that comes later, trust me), but this unremitting need to be tied down or held down was always stowed away like a dirty secret.
“The idea was a huge turn-on and had been for as long as I could remember – certainly long before my thoughts had turned to sex.
When it came to playing cowboys and Indians as a child, I had been the one who always volunteered to be held captive and tied to a tree. Want someone to hold hostage or whip until they give up the whereabouts of the cowboy encampment? Oooooo, oooo, yes please, that’d be me.”
After a long, mundane marriage (that at least resulted in wonderful children), Sarah longed to explore her sexuality. Writing erotica with her friends’ sexual escapades as reference, Sarah sets out to fulfill that too long denied desire. Bravo to her for seeking this in her mid-40’s!
Enter Max, a divorced dad, co-raising his 6 year old daughter with a neurotic ex-girlfriend and Dominant Extraordinaire. He responds to Sarah’s online ad and sets to introduce her to the delights of submission. Their intimacy is carefully delineated through a contract whose terminology was synonymous with the structure outlined in 50. Coincidence? You decide. Refreshing in the agreement was a caveat that generously stated Sarah “does not know the extent of her limits with Him at this point”. Truthfully, Max does stop in the middle of flogging (or was it caning?) to remind her she could make use of her safe word. But Sarah succumbs willingly, if not tearfully. Sarah is being tortured, stifling her cries into a pillow, but all in accordance with her pleasure. She loves this.
Sarah’s fantasies begin to take on new life as she spends more time with Max. As stimulating and satisfying as the domination is, Sarah’s thoughts about a future with Max linger longer.
“How could you feel like this, share this intimacy, this exposure with someone, and then go home to a boyfriend or a husband, girlfriend or wife? I realized I couldn’t switch off my emotions and isolate my sexual need; I needed to have both together in the same relationship.”
I thought Sarah fell too hard too fast, but Max, surprisingly, reaches the same conclusion as Sarah. For the tried and true lovers of romance, Happily Ever Afters aren’t usually easy — they’re earned. I was downright shocked at the end.
There is a lot to enjoy in this book. Sarah battled her own limits to reach nirvana with Max. While not for ME (even Christian Grey didn’t pique my interest toward BDSM. Don’t tempt me with “vanilla”, though!), Sarah embraces her nature. When Sarah was married, she was the sole breadwinner. There were bills to pay, doctor visits to arrange, bake sales to organize. This surrender, this submission, flew in the face of what always kept her in control.
“It absolved me of responsibility and was a breath of fresh air, a true moment of joy and release from my other world where I was responsible for everything.”
There were lapses in judgment that didn’t sit well with me. While Sarah did consent to adapt to Max’s preferences, there were moments of outrage that begged to be released. The dinner setting at Georgina’s soiree (a Dom colleague) was infuriating, not to diminish the insult involving Carly at the final event of the evening in the playroom/dungeon. Not ok. Unfortunately, Sarah likens/justifies Max’s disrespect with Doms getting off on Subs’ discomfort and humiliation. When Max overlooks important details of his potentially dangerous ex-girlfriend that Sarah should have been advised of YESTERDAY, Sarah puts off the confrontation for a trip to Paris and one hell of a reunion with Max. But these are minor annoyances and should in no way deter you from reading this book. All loose ends are tied up!
Sarah K was the author and real life narrator of this book. She shared her personal experience not to encourage or advocate the lifestyle. She just wanted to share and share she did. With wit, intellect and an image of Penelope Pitstop on the train tracks calling for help, I wish Sarah the best!
Reviewed by Carmen
Copy provided by Publisher
