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Tricia Talks

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TRICIA TALKS

Tickle Your Fancy is one of our Themes. Since The Reading Cafe is a place we can all hang out, while we drink our coffee or sip our margaritas, the talk of everything books can lead to funny stuff when we are having fun. Since this feature has been so much fun, We asked Tricia to find some time to talk to us again.

Tricia Talks Pic

When Barb approached me with the idea of resurrecting the Tricia Talks column, I was worried.  What am I going to write about?  What should I focus on?  Well you know what?  I’m just going to ramble.  For those of you who know me, rambling is as normal as breathing.  Y’all are so lucky! 

It’s been a year that’s all I can say.  WHEW WHAT A YEAR!  On a personal level, things have gone great.  A few minor ups and downs, but nothing to really complain about.  I could complain, don’t get me wrong, but I’ll spare you the boredom.  Let me think…..what was special about this year?  Hmmmmm. I really didn’t have anything major happen, my family is healthy, I have a lot of blessings to be thankful for.  My son is 13.  I officially am the owner of a teenager.  A teenager that is a boy.  His voiced changed one day.  One morning, after staggering to the coffeepot and fumbling around to make my first cup of happiness, I’m startled by this MAN’S voice behind me that says, “good morning mom.”  GASP!  That’s my little boy speaking to me.  I managed to shove my heart back into my chest to tell my sweet boy good morning.  Don’t care how big he gets, he will always be my little boy.  And I’m the type of mom that will remind him of that when he’s surrounded by his stinky teenage friends. 

I FOUND PINTEREST!  Pinterest and I have a love/hate relationship.  Thanks to Pinterest I am cooking up a storm, making all kinds of great breakfast meals, dinners and desserts.  Well with Pinterest making me such a great cook, my rear is spreading.  Pinterest is making me fat, dang it.  I blame Pinterest.  So many recipes packed full of melted cheese and gooey deliciousness, I have to cook them all.  I need a 12 step program to cure my addiction to Pinterest.  It’s ridonkulous.  I have pinned hundreds of recipes.  I can make you any and every kind of pasta dish or bake you 10 varieties of oatmeal.  Plus I’ve pinned tons of useful household tips. I am now armed with tons of facts that’ll I’ll never use again, how to clean with dryer sheets as scrubbers, making my own laundry detergent, make my own coffee creamer.  Great ideas for the do it yourself gal.  I’m a buy it at Walmart already made kind of girl.  But I still save all of the tidbits of info, just in case.  Maybe one day there will be a Pinterest game show and I’ll win tons of money.  Don’t laugh, it could happen.

I went to Las Vegas this year!  Little ole southern me hopped on a plane and jetted over to Las Vegas for a week on vacation.  Let me just say WOW.  First, let’s talk about heat.  Now remember, I’m in Mississippi, about an hour north of New Orleans.  We have heat and humidity, temperatures over 100 in the summer months.  I know what heat is.  People kept saying “Oh, it’s a DRY heat in Las Vegas.  It’s not that hot.”  Let me define dry heat.  “Dry heat” is like standing on the sun.  I was sweating in places that I didn’t even know existed.  Oh yeah, it’s a dry heat.  I love that baking like a rotisserie chicken in an oven, dry heat feeling.  NOT!  The only good thing about the hotter than hades dry heat, is there was no humidity which meant my curly hair was looking awesome.  But my great hair days were defeated by the puddle of dripping sweat that followed me everywhere I went.  Besides the heat though, I had a wonderful time, it was a vacation of a lifetime.  Beautiful city, gorgeous sights.  I have some beautiful pictures and memories that will last forever.

The holidays are approaching!  For Christmas this year, I bought my son a gaming desktop computer.  I gave it to him early because I didn’t want to make him wait.  I’m impatient like that.  Plus his computer had died and he needed a new one for school stuff too, which justified his early Christmas present.  Logical thinking at its best!  Well anywho…….  Brand new computer out the box, should be easy to get up and running, right?  Um, NO.  Things never go smoothly for me.  When I bought the desktop, I did not buy a new monitor.  Our existing one was in great shape, why waste the money?  Haha, the computer gods laughed and laughed at me for that idea.  My sweet boy is all excited, waiting for his desktop to be put together.  All is going smoothly until I try to plug in the monitor to the computer.  I was almost done, things had gone great up till that moment.  The brand new computer didn’t have a plug that my monitor cable would fit in.  There were USB plugs, DVI plugs, HDMI plugs, ear plugs, microphone plugs, speaker plugs, you get the point.  No VGA plug, which is what my antique monitor has.  ROAR!!!!  I dash off to Walmart to get an adapter.  The Walmart guy tells me they do not have an adapter for what I need.  He kindly suggests for me to just buy a TV, which will work great.  Or I can buy a new monitor, but he recommends the TV.  Ok, thanks Walmart dude for the advice.  I buy a new monitor.  Dash back home, where my sweet boy’s face is waiting patiently for his new toy.  Unpack the monitor and what does it have???  A VGA plug, just like my old monitor.  CURSE YOU COMPUTER GODS!  I will not be defeated!  I jump into my super mom mobile and go to Radio Shack looking for an adapter.  Radio Shack dude says nope, they don’t have one either.  I explained how I bought a brand new monitor and it also has the stupid old fashioned VGA plug.  He says, just get a TV screen, it’s cheaper and the picture will be better.  Well apparently Walmart dude and Radio Shack dude must’ve talked before I got there.  I kicked Radio Shack dude in the shins and stomped off to Walmart to buy the TV that I should’ve purchased the first time.  I also purchased an HDMI cable while I was there because I figured with my luck, the TV wouldn’t come with the proper cable.  HAHAHAHA, can’t fool me computer gods, I was right!  No cable in the box, but I was prepared with my HDMI extra purchase.  Get ready to hook up the TV, which is the last crucial piece before the computer is ready, and the cable is about an inch too short.  Really?  REALLY?  Two stacks of computer paper under the desktop later, I made the cable reach until I could get a longer cable.  My son was thrilled.  I defeated the computer gods.  Super mom wins again, although super mom was exhausted after that little adventure.

To wrap up my rambles, I would like to wish all of you a blessed and wonderful Holiday season!  May you and your families be happy and healthy!  Until next time, happy reading!

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Tricia Talks

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Tricia Talks

Tickle Your Fancy is one of our Themes. Since The Reading Cafe is a place we can all hang out, while we drink our coffee or sip our margaritas, the talk of everything books can lead to funny stuff when we are having fun. Since we have been enjoying this feature…It is time for the return of Tricia…..

 

First of all, I’d like to apologize for my absence; I have missed you all tremendously.  The Reading Café is a fabulous website and I am so glad to be back.  Why was I gone, you wonder?  My disappearing act was due to a couple of reasons.  Reason #1:  a lack of a decent internet connection.  I had dial up, which is SLOOOW.  Dial up connection speed made me crazy, so much time spent waiting, waiting, waiting…….. Reason #2:  I had major changes happen at work and I’ve spent the last few months working like crazy.  I have now paired up with AT&T’s U-verse and have fast internet and work has settled down somewhat so that means….I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaack.  🙂

I am an assistant manager at a very large financial institution.  If you are thinking, “Oh, manager.  That’s a cushy job.”  UH, NO!!   I would like to define manager in my little corner of the universe.

Webster’s dictionary defines manager as:  a) a person who conducts business or household affairs  b) a person whose work or profession is management  c) a person who directs a team.  That sounds nice, doesn’t it?  Yeah, not so much for my job.  I am the wrangler of a bunch of unruly cattle.  The babysitter at a daycare.  The mechanic, plumber, computer guru, therapist, cleaning lady, financial advisor, referee, food police, and general fixer of whatever needs fixing, whether it’s a customer, employee, hardware, software…..you get the picture.

I know what you are thinking…..that I’m exaggerating.  Sorry my fellow book readers, I am not.  On any given day I will have to repair something that is broken, remind an employee that it is not professional to eat a gigantic bear claw cinnamon roll thingy in view of our customers,  no arguing amongst each other, no cursing…..it’s exhausting.  And the questions! I get asked millions of questions all the live long day.  Tricia, Tricia, Tricia.  If I had a dollar for every time I heard my name, I’d have a lot of dollars.

I have one employee in particular that is unique to say the least.  Here are just a few of the conversations I have had with said employee over the years.  This is all true, I promise.  These conversations are in no particular order.

“Please don’t eat fried chicken at the front desk.  If you need a snack, go to the break room.”

“Make sure your piece of turtle chocolate pie is gone before we open the doors.”

“Why do you need a new keyboard?  Oh ok, because you filled yours with WD40 because the keys were sticking.  That’s a completely normal thing to do.”

“No, we cannot make all the customers leave so you can take your bra off.”

“Don’t eat your bear claw at the counter, go to the break room.”

“What is that smell? You spilled pickle juice all over the desk?  Are you kidding me?”

“What is all over the door?  Mayonnaise?  Your plastic baggie of mayo exploded all over the place!  Why do you have mayo in a plastic bag?  Never mind, I don’t want to know.”

“Please don’t talk to customers about your recent colonoscopy.  When they ask how you are doing, just say you are fine and send them on their way.  They also don’t want to know about your child’s bowel movements.”

Sadly, there are more conversations that I could add, but we have to leave room for the book reviews.  Needless to say, being a manager is one crazy job, especially where I work.  So when you start to think that management is an easy job, just think of me.  I will gladly accept donations for an early retirement fund.  I’m almost afraid what my employees will do next.  Pray for me, I need all the help I can get. 🙂

Tricia

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Tricia Talks-TED is my new Auto-Correct

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Tickle Your Fancy is one of our Themes. Since The Reading Cafe is a place we can all hang out, while we drink our coffee or sip our margaritas, the talk of everything books can lead to funny stuff when we are having fun. Since this feature has been so much fun, let’s see what Tricia has for us this month…..

Do you text?  I text  A LOT.  I can text paragraphs of comments.  Texting is an inexpensive and quick way of communicating when you are separated from your family and friends.  I’ve been able to survive boring meetings thanks to my cell phone and texting.  I have great friends who do their best to prevent me from lapsing into a meeting induced coma by entertaining me with comments, songs and other silliness.  There is nothing funnier than looking down at my phone and being surprised by “Drop it like it’s hot, drop it like it’s hot!” or “Red Solo Cup, I fill you up. Let’s have a party!” The only issue I have is trying to control my laughter, either in a crowded room or while I’m alone.   There have been many occasions when I’m alone in my office or in a store, staring at my phone, and laughing like a psycho.  People probably question my sanity but how can you blame them when they see me laughing like a fool all by myself? 

The greatest and most annoying invention to go along with texting is that devil auto correct.  I have had countless episodes of hysterical laughing thanks to auto correct.  Auto correct is where your cell phone changes your word to what it thinks you were trying to type.  I try to always proofread my texts before sending but sometimes I forget.  And that’s when that little weasel auto correct gets me every time.  But the funniest of all is the replies one can get (or give) when auto correct rears its ugly head.  Here are a few examples to explain what I’m talking about.  I can’t remember every single auto correction, but here are the ones that were the funniest.  Some corrections were so funny, I still use them now.  My friends and I have basically created our own language thanks to texting and auto correct.

One day I was very upset and was blasting away a text to vent my frustration.  In the text, I was trying to say holy s**t along with a bunch of other words.  Auto correct changed that to holy JUDY.  Apparently my phone is against cursing.  I get a response that says “is holy JUDY a southern term for s**t?”  I read over the text I sent and realize what happened.  This prompted hysterical laughter and now instead of texting the curse word, my friend (Hi Miranda!) and I text holy JUDY.

Another example is when my friend was so upset that this trashy guy was flirting with her, making her feel very uncomfortable.  She was texting me, saying how this loser was flirting with a married woman.  But instead of flirt, the message said “slirt”.  Me being me, I focused on this new word instead of her distress.  I respond in my typical smarty pants fashion, making fun of this new word.  We’ve created several definitions for this word, one being a sleazy flirt and the other definition is not one that can be mentioned here……..

I received this text from another friend that had me crying, I was laughing so hard.  “Me and donkey are at a restaurant and they have beets on tap and we’ve drank 200 ounces!”  WHAAAAAAT??   I’m thinking what in the world is he talking about?  I had to focus and try to translate this mystery.  Beets…..beets on tap……OH, he meant BEER!  Ok, the beets mystery is solved.  Although if he was drunk on beets, he needs some help.  The next mystery is deciphering donkey…..who is donkey?  So I asked him, “Who is donkey?  Donkey as in from Shrek or donkey as in Donkey Kong?”   My friend then had to re-read HIS text because he was thinking I had cracked my melon.  What he was TRYING to say was, “Me and Ronald are at a restaurant and they have beer on tap…..”  Mystery solved!   I think auto correct was drunk when he changed those words.  And maybe my friend was a little drunk when he sent that text.  He really can’t handle his beets. 

Next is a conversation where I was trying to cheer up a friend.  A little birdie tells me that her husband has his feelings hurt because I called him a twerp after he wisecracked about me on Facebook.  So to make amends, I started texting said husband, telling him how much I appreciate his friendship, while rolling my eyes repeatedly because he was being such a baby.  I text him “Red solo cup, you aren’t just a cup, you’re my friend.”  Or that’s what I WANTED to text him.  Instead, he gets a message that says “TED solo cup, you aren’t just a cup, you’re my friend.”  I get a quick reply that says, “Who the hell is Ted?”  My response to that was, “Ted is the little *insert curse word here* that lives in my phone and runs my auto correct.”  So from this day forward, my phone will always be known as Ted and he will take the blame for every word that gets messed up in my texts.  It’s not the beets, it’s not my texting thumbs, it’s TED.

Last but certainly not least is squirrel.  Squirrel is another term that has morphed into our texting language, although not by auto correct.  Have you ever watched the cartoon movie UP!?  It’s an adorable movie that has a talking dog.  Throughout the movie as the dog is talking, he can quickly be distracted if he sees a squirrel.  In the middle of his conversation, the dog looks away and says SQUIRREL which indicates his focus has shifted.  So instead of the furry little creature we all know as a squirrel, SQUIRREL means something else entirely in text speak.  The new text definition of SQUIRREL is an indication of a rapid subject change in the middle of your text.  For example:  How’s the weather?  The weather is COLD! .….SQUIRREL!……  I had chicken nuggets for lunch.  See? I quickly shifted the topic of conversation.  But be careful with the use of SQUIRREL!  The rapid change in subject may cause some to get whiplash.

Until next time, Ted and I bid you good day.

Tricia

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What’s In a Name-Tricia Talks

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We created Tickle Your Fancy to enjoy the fun stuff that takes place in The Reading Café, as this is a place we can all hang out, while we drink our coffee or sip our margaritas.  Just relaxing and talking about books can lead to funny stuff when we are having fun.  Below is another one of our contributors.  so without further ado….

Tricia Talks

 

What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet – William Shakespeare.

Name, name, name……I need a name for my corner of Tickle My Fancy………UGH….The pressure of a name……..  Pick the wrong one and it falls flat, like a bad joke.   Pick the right one and it fits, just like Cinderella’s glass slipper.  Barb and Sandy have given me great ideas…..Totally Tricia….Talking with Tricia….Tripping with Tricia…..

Tripping with Tricia brings to mind a run in I had with a curb and that blue rascal the Cookie Monster.  Let’s reminisce, shall we?

Once upon a time, I was at a Christmas party for work, all of the important people were present.  You know… the people you want to impress.  So I mingle and charm my way through the party, being my cute little self.  At the end of the night I was walking out the door carrying the leftover cookie tray that I brought.  I’m talking and walking and WHAM!  I trip over a curb.  I slam into a co-worker, cookies go flying high in the air.  It was spectacular.  I ripped the knees out of my new pants and scuffed my new boots. 

After the police investigation, eye witnesses confirmed that the Cookie Monster was seen sneaking up behind me, giving me a violent shove.  Once I was on the ground, the Cookie Monster stole my cookies!  But the justice system did prevail!!!  The Cookie Monster is now serving three years in minimum security and is currently on a 12 step cookie program. 

On a side note, my incident with the curb prompted my employer to paint all of the curbs at our headquarters a BRIGHT yellow.  Not exactly the lasting impression I was aiming for but whatever.  So maybe Tripping with Tricia isn’t the perfect glass slipper.  It fits more like a pair of scuffed boots. 

Talking with Tricia?  Is that the name?  No, it doesn’t seem to fit.  Totally Tricia? No, that’s not it either.  Talking Trash with Tricia?  GASP!  Who says I talk trash???? Not using that name, Barb will be washing my mouth out with soap!  I’ve thought and pondered, trying to find the perfect name.  I will be contributing random thoughts, talking about whatever pops in my head.  Sounds scary, but it really isn’t.  Tricia…..talks.  THAT’S IT! Tricia Talks.  Ahhhh, the perfect glass slipper.  Thanks Sandy and Barb for the perfect name.  Now that I have on my glass slipper, would you two please find my Prince Charming?  I’m really tired of kissing frogs.   

Welcome to Tricia Talks.  I hope you enjoy my random bits of nothing. 

*Disclaimer:  Tricia or the Cookie Monster was not permanently damaged in the writing of this post.*

Tricia

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