Tickle Your Fancy is one of our Themes. Since The Reading Cafe is a place we can all hang out, while we drink our coffee or sip our margaritas, the talk of everything books can lead to funny stuff when we are having fun. Since this feature has been so much fun, let’s see what Tricia has for us this month…..

Do you text?  I text  A LOT.  I can text paragraphs of comments.  Texting is an inexpensive and quick way of communicating when you are separated from your family and friends.  I’ve been able to survive boring meetings thanks to my cell phone and texting.  I have great friends who do their best to prevent me from lapsing into a meeting induced coma by entertaining me with comments, songs and other silliness.  There is nothing funnier than looking down at my phone and being surprised by “Drop it like it’s hot, drop it like it’s hot!” or “Red Solo Cup, I fill you up. Let’s have a party!” The only issue I have is trying to control my laughter, either in a crowded room or while I’m alone.   There have been many occasions when I’m alone in my office or in a store, staring at my phone, and laughing like a psycho.  People probably question my sanity but how can you blame them when they see me laughing like a fool all by myself? 

The greatest and most annoying invention to go along with texting is that devil auto correct.  I have had countless episodes of hysterical laughing thanks to auto correct.  Auto correct is where your cell phone changes your word to what it thinks you were trying to type.  I try to always proofread my texts before sending but sometimes I forget.  And that’s when that little weasel auto correct gets me every time.  But the funniest of all is the replies one can get (or give) when auto correct rears its ugly head.  Here are a few examples to explain what I’m talking about.  I can’t remember every single auto correction, but here are the ones that were the funniest.  Some corrections were so funny, I still use them now.  My friends and I have basically created our own language thanks to texting and auto correct.

One day I was very upset and was blasting away a text to vent my frustration.  In the text, I was trying to say holy s**t along with a bunch of other words.  Auto correct changed that to holy JUDY.  Apparently my phone is against cursing.  I get a response that says “is holy JUDY a southern term for s**t?”  I read over the text I sent and realize what happened.  This prompted hysterical laughter and now instead of texting the curse word, my friend (Hi Miranda!) and I text holy JUDY.

Another example is when my friend was so upset that this trashy guy was flirting with her, making her feel very uncomfortable.  She was texting me, saying how this loser was flirting with a married woman.  But instead of flirt, the message said “slirt”.  Me being me, I focused on this new word instead of her distress.  I respond in my typical smarty pants fashion, making fun of this new word.  We’ve created several definitions for this word, one being a sleazy flirt and the other definition is not one that can be mentioned here……..

I received this text from another friend that had me crying, I was laughing so hard.  “Me and donkey are at a restaurant and they have beets on tap and we’ve drank 200 ounces!”  WHAAAAAAT??   I’m thinking what in the world is he talking about?  I had to focus and try to translate this mystery.  Beets…..beets on tap……OH, he meant BEER!  Ok, the beets mystery is solved.  Although if he was drunk on beets, he needs some help.  The next mystery is deciphering donkey…..who is donkey?  So I asked him, “Who is donkey?  Donkey as in from Shrek or donkey as in Donkey Kong?”   My friend then had to re-read HIS text because he was thinking I had cracked my melon.  What he was TRYING to say was, “Me and Ronald are at a restaurant and they have beer on tap…..”  Mystery solved!   I think auto correct was drunk when he changed those words.  And maybe my friend was a little drunk when he sent that text.  He really can’t handle his beets. 

Next is a conversation where I was trying to cheer up a friend.  A little birdie tells me that her husband has his feelings hurt because I called him a twerp after he wisecracked about me on Facebook.  So to make amends, I started texting said husband, telling him how much I appreciate his friendship, while rolling my eyes repeatedly because he was being such a baby.  I text him “Red solo cup, you aren’t just a cup, you’re my friend.”  Or that’s what I WANTED to text him.  Instead, he gets a message that says “TED solo cup, you aren’t just a cup, you’re my friend.”  I get a quick reply that says, “Who the hell is Ted?”  My response to that was, “Ted is the little *insert curse word here* that lives in my phone and runs my auto correct.”  So from this day forward, my phone will always be known as Ted and he will take the blame for every word that gets messed up in my texts.  It’s not the beets, it’s not my texting thumbs, it’s TED.

Last but certainly not least is squirrel.  Squirrel is another term that has morphed into our texting language, although not by auto correct.  Have you ever watched the cartoon movie UP!?  It’s an adorable movie that has a talking dog.  Throughout the movie as the dog is talking, he can quickly be distracted if he sees a squirrel.  In the middle of his conversation, the dog looks away and says SQUIRREL which indicates his focus has shifted.  So instead of the furry little creature we all know as a squirrel, SQUIRREL means something else entirely in text speak.  The new text definition of SQUIRREL is an indication of a rapid subject change in the middle of your text.  For example:  How’s the weather?  The weather is COLD! .….SQUIRREL!……  I had chicken nuggets for lunch.  See? I quickly shifted the topic of conversation.  But be careful with the use of SQUIRREL!  The rapid change in subject may cause some to get whiplash.

Until next time, Ted and I bid you good day.

Tricia